Chi San Wan

I am happiest when...
Doing what I love, and being surrounded by the people I love. Usually food will be involved. Nourishing myself and others always gives me great joy!

Marloe Wylder & Maggie Major’s names come from...
‘Marloe’ sounds like the Cantonese word for monkey, which is the year that she was born in (2016). We wanted a Chinese sounding name, and we were taking a mini baby moon near Buckingham and driving through the village of Marlow when I started playing with saying the name out loud. I felt like changing the ‘w’ to an ‘e’ made the name softer.
‘Wylder’ is because I always imagined life to be a little wilder, more in tune with the cycles, we cannot detach ourselves fully from society and the norms of which we know, but we can try to be that little bit wilder. Again, from an aesthetic point of view, we decided to swap the ‘i’ for a ‘y’ in Wylder to be more name-like.
I can’t explain it, but Maggie was always going to be a Maggie, much to my partner Alex’s protest (technically, he still hasn’t agreed to it). Finding a middle name was harder. I was really set on having another M or W, but nothing sounded or looked right until we tried Alex’s great grandpa’s name — Major Walter. Having Major in Maggie’s name really suits her now. The girls’ have Alex’s last name which is Moore. So we have an MWM and an MMM.

Each morning we like to...
Wake up naturally and have a giant snuggle in bed, whilst Maggie demands boob (at 21 months, she still has it in the mornings when she wakes up and before bed at night, she tries her luck in the day sometimes and laughs at herself for asking), then we pile into the kitchen, the girls will draw, read and listen to audiobooks or gentle morning music whilst we make breakfast and snacks for the day. Usually something easy like porridge or toast, with pancakes on Saturdays. I usually try and sneak in a 15mins pilates session whilst Alex negotiates the kids, followed by a matcha latte.

I switch off when...
I manage to go for a solo walk in nature, read fiction or meditate before bed.

Being a mother is...
A privilege and a major TRIP. It’s all the cliches, and all the polarising thoughts and feels. Pregnancy, birth and parenthood really does come to teach us a lot about what it is to be human, and how we show up for the world, for each other and for ourselves.

Pregnancy the second time was...
In a foreign country. Marloe was born in our 1 bed flat in London, a city I called home for the last decade. Maggie was born in Berlin. We’d moved there during Brexit in 2019, and we settled into life there, albeit during the pandemic. I was lucky that both pregnancies were straightforward and fairly stress-free. With the second it wasn’t as relaxing, having another small human to look after. I couldn’t put my feet up when I wanted / needed to as much. I tried to lean into everything I did to prepare for my first home birth, which helped to anchor my anxieties birthing in a foreign country with slightly different ways of going about things. With the help of my doula Shanay, Marloe and Alex; we had another wonderful home birth with Maggie.

Right now I am...
Trying to practice radical rest, to lean into this liminal space of transition, to learn to ‘winter’, to die like the leaves, and allow this space to become fertile, in order to rebirth on the other side. Kind of hard with two small humans to keep alive, and it feels like I am still in the thick of it, but I am learning to trust the process.

The best lesson I’ve learnt...
“Which do you want — The pain of staying where you are, or the pain of growth?”

How I find balance...
I don’t! I just wing it. I think balance is an urban wellness myth, an unachievable moving goal. I think it’s better to try and find a state of ‘wholeness’, where everything and anything can be accepted, and you remember to breathe. Saying that, I try and keep myself in check with eating and drinking healthily, reaching for supplements and magic potions when I need to, making sure I have movement and rest (never enough of either!), meditation and breath work...it’s all about the micro-moments for me.

Something most people don’t know about me is....
Though I am both Rising and Sun in Gemini, my Moon in Capricorn has a huge pull on me, and I am actually more introvert than extrovert.

My ideal day is...
Full of friends, walks in nature, art, good food and good vibes.

What makes me dance...
Unfortunately, the soundtrack to Sing 2 at the moment, thanks to both girls requesting it at every opportunity. This morning I discovered it’s quite good to do a quick 15mins of cardio to!

My favourite body part is...
Probably my lips.

My favourite colour is...
Currently pale sunflower yellows. I’ve been really drawn to this colour since the end of my pregnancy with Maggie.

My favourite meal to cook at home...
Is anything I fancy! I love cooking, and my wants and needs chop and change. I have many favourite meals but every day looks a little different, depending on what’s available, in terms of produce seasonality and time in the kitchen! The girls eat with us, and I love watching them try new foods and enjoy the meals we’ve made together.

I am grateful for...
The process of unlearning, being able to figure out what’s best for me and my family and not just what society has conditioned us to think / do.

I am looking forward to...
Discovering what’s next for my family and I!